i want to lie in bed naked feeding her ice cream while she reads me Kavalier and Clay again.
i want to have awkward horrible urgent sex in some flat in paris again.
i want to tell her to pick out a cd to fuck to from my wall of cds and have her pick out morphine's cure for pain again.
i want to fuck her in a field, and be so scared and then amused when the automated grain elevator begins running that we give up on sex, and just lie there, laughing, naked, listening to the grain elevator again.
i want to have sad, break-up sex on the floor of her room again, after everything is moved out, after the whole building is empty, and just lie there, afterward, on the floor tangled in half discarded clothes and arms and legs whose owners it is nearly impossible to tell.
i want to pull her green ford explorer over to the side on the 5 to SF, hop in the back and fuck her again, because we couldn't wait the hour we had left.
i want my friends to take me to her dorm room when i am too drunk, where she takes care of me like a small child again.
i want to stay in the fawlty towers in elait again and not leave because it is so hot and huddle naked next to the air conditioning for three days again.
i want to spend night after night with her sleeping under my desk because my bed is too cluttered again.
i want to to spend endless summer days in her house in norman, on summer break, on a break from the world again.
i want to lie next to her, her lying on my matress, my matress lying on the floor next to me, after a long night in edinburgh.
i want to want to fall asleep next to her on the couch while watching joe vs. the volcano, but to be so afraid i might snore or drool on her that i only feign sleep.
i want to lie on a blanket in a stony driveway, looking at the ocean, listening to blood & chocolate, wondering if she wants me to kiss her again.
i want to stay up til 4am on the roof of a former soviet youth children's camp talking excitedly about ideas with her again.
i want to kiss her on my couch, to hear her tell her friends she'll be alright, and to have her curl herself up in my arms like years had never passed again.
i want to see her for that first time again, at the party, look at her, and just know, just know that this girl, whom i've never spoken to, know nothing about, but am instantly captavated by is what i'm looking for, and somehow, some way i will track her down even though she left the party before i worked up the courage to even learn her name, and meet her again and talk to her and find out that i was exactly right, and would never be so right again, again.
but what i really want, is for none of these things to have ever happened.
and then i want them all to happen with the same person.
or maybe to never happen.
people can be so great.
why are you so perfect, sometimes?
Posted by orion at July 1, 2003 07:03 PM | TrackBack