When I drink, really drink, I do stupid things.
I become a TV character when I drink.
I think it's something like Pacey from Dawson's Creek, but honestly, I never watched it enough to really know.
But I sleep with single mothers (3. Three? Yeah.), married women (just one), I dance on bars, I buy people rounds, I drive so drunk I don't remember it, I hit medians and bend my wheels, I get in fights, I start fights, I run from fights, I finish fights, I drunk dial, I tell people things I shouldn't.
I am a bad person.
By all accounts I should be dead.
But I'm not. Because I'm the lovable scamp. The fan favorite, the writer's charicature of an unfortunate drunk.
God damn, I need to get out of this town.